I read Memoirs of a Geisha about 2 months ago and I really enjoyed this story. The imagery was amazing and the writing was fluid. I was sucked into this fantastic world of appearances and highly trained courtesans, and I finished the book in one day. It had been a long time since I had enjoyed a story as much as I enjoyed Memoirs of a Geisha. Sadly, I’m not talking about the book in this review, I’m supposed to talk about the movie. I suppose to give you a better idea of my Geisha experience, I need to start at the beginning…
**Cue nostalgic music and wavy lines to signal a past event**
Archaeopteryx and I went to the beach for his birthday. Figured it would be sweet to go, sit on the balcony and watch the waves, rest for once. I wanted to see Memoirs of a Geisha, so we checked movie times for the nearby town because….well, no one goes to the Island theater (you’ll find out why momentarily). Sure enough, we live in hell, and we only get crap movies which is why I have a constant job here on PCN. So…reluctantly…we hopped in the car and drove to the movie theater a few blocks from our hotel. Sure enough, Memoirs of a Geisha was starting in 5 minutes. Crazy that the small-town, 4-screen theater was showing a movie that the 16-screen theater seemed to avoid putting on. We tucked and rolled out of the car (for some reason we were stupid enough to think there might be a crowd) and ran inside to buy our tickets.
We walked down the 6 foot long hallway to get to our theater at the end and took a seat in our lawn chairs in front of a big screen TV. You think I’m joking, but I’m not. It was a butt-numbing experience, to say the least. I looked around the room and noticed that I was an infant compared to the 110 year old people surrounding me, and I expected to hear phrases such as “whippersnapper”, “bee’s knees”, and “cat’s meow” at any moment. The movie started (there was only one preview and no commercials), and I settled into my lawn chair to enjoy the film.
Suddenly…the light from the door opening completely obscured the screen and I heard a noise that will forever haunt my dreams.
“Clomp….flomp….clompclompclomp…I don’t want to die.”**Cue suspenseful music**
Thus enters the crazy lady. She and her flip flops clompity-clomped down the aisle and she plopped herself down in the front row. As people would open the theater door (flooding the screen with light), she would turn around and growl viciously at them and then turn back to the screen and mutter some more. Occasionally, she would get up and go outside, only to return with a hot dog and more muttering about not wanting to die. Thirty minutes before the movie ended, she got up and left permanently, and the image she left on my brain of hot dogs and clompity shoes will forever remain. When we left the theater, we found her up at the ticket booth, haggling over popcorn prices and buying tickets to the next show. Ah, to be a fly on the wall…
I suppose you expect a review of the movie now? Archaeopteryx compared Sayuri to Kokoro in the Dead or Alive video games. He kept wishing she would break out a can of whoop-ass and roundhouse kick people in the face with her geisha shoes. I kinda wish she had too. Heaven knows her nemesis, Hatsumomo, would have deserved it. She was one craaaaaazy lady! Though her craziness pales in comparison to Clompity and her hot dogs. The movie was alright overall, though I have a tendancy to compare movies very rigidly to the books they are based on. This one left out things I wanted to see included, and put in storyline that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Should you see it? I suppose, but only if you have a crazy lady like mine to make it a memorable experience. I’d much rather see Memoirs of a Crazy Lady anyday.
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