Well the first thing that came to my mind when I watch this wretched excuse for entertainment was Varsity Blues. James Vanderbeek has always rankedpretty low in my list of favorite actors, but his movie now looks like an Oscar fest vis-à-vis Friday Night Lights. One thing that would have made Friday Night Lights 20x better (and even then I don’t think it would make PBS standards for entertainment) is if one important element was in the movie: A PLOT. The movie consisted of a mini subplot and three really dysfunctional characters.
Billy Bob Pisses off the wrong team!
The movie is about a football team. In Remember the Titans legacy it is combined with white trash and black ghetto; wait to be politically correct the team is “diverse.” The first main character was Bootie I mean Boobie; and no he wasn’t the head cheerleader from Silicon Valley. This guy had an ego the size of Canada and would not shut up if his life depended on it. In traditional Bill Cosby style, the only thing out of his mouth was incoherent sentences and gibberish. He hurts his knee (watching it snap was probably the peak of the movie and even then…) and that was the last we heard of Bootie. We did see him prove his manhood by attacking a fine doctor for giving him legitimate advice and of course he hurt his knee again this time for good. I bet the Martinis’ went down well for the doctor that night.
Ok character #2. This guy has a mom who is as mentally capable as a tic-tac.
Random Person: Mrs. Winchell I think if you buy a lottery ticket
you migh thave a chance at winning!Mrs. Winchell: Yey, I won the lottery.Recruiter: Mrs. Winchell I think that there is a remote chance that your son might possibly have a shot at having a slight hope of making a decent addition to our school.Mrs Winchell: He has a scholarship!!! Where do I sign?
He also never smiled until near the end. Wow great character development, he can smile now.
Character #3. Ok this guy gives butterfingers a whole new meaning. He fumbled more times than I yawned during the movie (and it was a lot of yawning). He had an abusive father who would lay the smack down and show him who the boss is. Near the end they make up… whoope doo.
Tim is about to have a bottle smashed on his face.
Where is Bolo when you need him!
Oh yeah and there was some football somewhere in there. A game would last about 5 minutes on the screen but some plays would last about 2 minutes. By that logic they could fit in 2.5 plays. Ok here’s a spoiler but really who cares, save the money. They end up losing to another team in the championship. Yep that’s right, the movie ends up with them losing. At the end of the day they don’t have a ring, one guy still has a torn knee, another still has a psycho mother and another has an abusive father. And yet they want to portray these guys as winners or spin it off that it doesn’t matter if you win, but it sounds like loser talk to me.
What goes on in those secret football meetings!
The worst part was probably at the end. They listed what all these morons did with their lives. I think one of them got one years worth of college, one works at a gas station, one cleans streets, one prostitutes himself and one works in nights at the graveyard. Honestly WTF cares??? It would be one thing if they made it big or the audience actually established some type of bond with these impotent lug nuts. But c’mon they failed in football and life. Great…they are like a vast majority of the population. Why don’t we just make inane movies on them?
“Hey guys.. Ohh my nose!”
Save yourself the cash and time and do not see this movie under any circumstances and if you are a masochist who has an extremely uncharted high desire for pain and must see it stock up on barrels of beer.
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