Had they not made the “Z” on “Boyz” big, I would have thought they were just regular boys. Ok, I already know I’m going to get in trouble for writing this review. Why, you ask? Because I’m reviewing this movie based on 5 minutes of total viewing time. Yeah, I could have watched more, but what would have been the reason for that when I already knew the entire plot from the first 5 minutes? I’m condensing my life and weeding out the useless stuff- like the other 95+ minutes of this movie. This movie was irresistable to me, though- I’m not only the Popcorn Nazi, I’m also the Grammar and Punctuation Nazi, too- so the fact that “Boyz” is with a “Z” was enough to make me want to watch it. Or at least the credits.

You can’t be one of the Boyz without the bling!Now, the part of the movie I DID watch was basically that which was happening during the credits. I’ll explain the plot to you. It seems there are rival biker gangs in some city…didn’t watch enough to know or care…and they’re all fighting for the “crown” of the main big biker dude, “Smoke”. It seems that all of these biker types are waiting for “Smoke” to arrive, and they’re expecting some big wild entrance. Well…that’s what they got! “Smoke” and crew arrived in a choreographed fashion, where they all stopped their bikes in presidential parade style, took off their helmets at the same time and dismounted in unison. I’m sure they spent hours preparing for this. The main character of the movie, I don’t know his name, was a biker boy “Prospect”- that’s what the back of his jacket said. His dad was “Smoke”’s mechanic and kept telling “Prospect” that he wasn’t ready to be a Biker Boy. “Prospect” vows to one day be the main Biker Boy, and at that point I knew the rest of the movie’s plot.

The Icy Hot Stuntaz threaten “Smoke”. He’s afraid.Here’s what happened, according to me…

• “Prospect” races a few people…loses…mopes
• “Prospect” is told he’ll never make it as a Biker Boy
• “Prospect” decides he will race “Smoke” for the title of UberBiker Boy
• “Prospect” wins and becomes head of all the ghetto people
• “Prospect”’s dad most likely dies somehow within that storyline and it inspires him to work harder to be the best ghetto person around

Looks like this guy isn’t going to make it to the finish line! Darn that roadkill!Throw in a few hoochies and a “40″ and you’ve got a recipe for movie gold! They even gave the characters cool names to differentiate them from the other bikers in The Fast and the Furious, Torque, and More Faster and Furiouser. Yes, “furiouser” is not a word, but I’m sure that it will be now that I’ve used it and made it cool.

I didn’t even have to see past the beginning credits to know what this movie is all about. In fact, I was certain to even be able to watch the movie I was going to need a 6-pack- just to get through the remaining credits. I’m giving it 8 our of 10 beers. How dare movie writers think that by using “Smoke” and mirrors they can recycle the same story and make it a hit. Shame, shame!

Sidenote: When seeking out their website, we found that even though it is at www.bikerboyz.com, they spell everything on the site as Biker Boys. I suppose they, as well, realized the stupidity of their title.