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If someone gave me the choice of either watching From Justin to Kelly or getting dragged by my hair from the back of a car while having sporks poked into my eyes, I probably would have gone with the sporks. Now, I know you are thinking that I hated this movie for the sole reason of “American Idols and their crappy franchises”, but no, you’d be wrong. I hated this movie for a variety of reasons, most of which dealt with the fact that it was nothing more than a Barbie and Ken version of Spring Break. Only Barbie pranced around and sang, Ken had a disturbingly scary amount of hair, and they left Skipper at home.

Come on guys, you know you’d hit it.

From the director of “Spice World”, we were introduced to the magical world of Justin and Kelly; a world where songs dictate emotions and the evil villian (who is trying to steal the fabulous catch Justin from Kelly) always gets caught. So, as per my usual review, I offer the plot synopsis in a few simple points:

• Kelly goes to the beach with friends. Spring Break is the coolest.
• Kelly briefly meets Justin…meanwhile Kelly’s friend meets Latin heartthrob who is the busboy at their hotel. Friend promptly ruins busboy’s life.
• Random song.
• Kelly has crazy hijinx with Justin.
• Random song.
• The audience is given a fright by Justin’s hair. They had to throw in a dramatically suspenseful moment somewhere…might as well have dealt with the hair.
• Kelly’s other skanky friend tries to steal Justin! The horror!
• Kelly finds out, bursts into song again, dances on the beach, and prances around some more.
• Quasi-”Grease” wannabe ending, sans hot rod, Danny Zuko and Rizzo.

They rally the entire beach into a N’sync dance party! W00t!

My experience watching this movie on DVD 6 months ago at my house was slightly hampered by my moderate intoxication. We found the movie in the $5.88 bin at Wal-Mart and knew it was a must-buy! Of course, to watch a movie that cheap- not only in price, but in production value and star quality- you must drink. Friends came over, beers were bought, and the logical conclusion after a six-pack was that it was the perfect time to enjoy “From Justin to Kelly”. It took very little convincing. For the men, Kelly in a bikini was enough encouragment; for me, I was curious to see if anything would crawl out of Justin’s hair midway through the movie…like a bug or maybe a small dog. I was hoping escapades would ensue, necessitating that he hide Kelly in his hair.

Checking out the babes at Spring Break Disney

We got bored fast. Too many beers and lots of horrible songs made us feel the need for Whataburger. We stopped the movie with about 30 minutes left, satisfied our munchies and came back. I dozed off until the final musical number, and was impressed that in the time that I was asleep, Kelly had managed to teach an entire beach full of Spring Breakers how to dance in sync with her fabulous song. A real-life scenario would have played out like so:

• Kelly attempts to get the attention of the Spring Breaker populace .
• Kelly gets beer can thrown at her head by Justin.
• Kelly sings sad song alone in the corner before the Girls Gone Wild pervy pays her to show us the moneymakers.
• Kelly gets beads. Movie turns into porno.

Found via Google while searching for“Justin to Kelly”He has better hair.

That’s about it for my evaluation of this fine movie. It was campy, cliched and a poor attempt to bring some Annette Funicello into this modern day. For the American Idol fan, I give it 1 beer. For normal people who realize reality TV sucks, I think it merits a full 10. Buy a keg and enjoy.