I had a purpose in going to see a movie I had heard nothing but stinky things about- I thought going to see a Christmas-y movie would put me in the Christmas spirit. Let me level with you, kind and wonderful readers- it didn’t. I walked out of the theater ready to go knock down a manger scene and trip the Salvation Army Santa. I spent $14.00 to have a crappy time in an overly warm theater, accompanied by my cousin and brother. Maybe the movie wasn’t so bad- but my overall theater experience is a story to tell over and over again.
As I just mentioned, my relatives went with me to see this fine movie full of Christmas joy and merriment. They’re 10 and 15- my brother being the 10 year old, and my cousin being the 15 year old with the mentality of a 10 year old (which she proved today). Since my car is currently broken (again), I had to take my mother’s kidmobile (suburban) and listen to the two of them bicker the entire time. We parked, paid, went inside and decided to buy food from the fabulous not-quite-a-concession-stand. I’m ordering, minding my own business, when I notice my brother popping straws out of the straw dispenser…and then tossing them on the floor. Being the wonderful sister that I am, I made him pick them up and gave him a few evil “you’re gonna get it when you get home” looks. He kicked them around on the floor a bit, picked them up, and put them BACK INTO THE DISPENSER. My cousin seemed to think this was extremely funny (and no, I didn’t leave the dirty straws there) and proceeded to join his straw-kicking fun. God help me. By this point, I was ready to hide in the “National Treasure” theater and pretend like I didn’t know them, but I carried on with my duties as a good relative and meandered to the theater (not before my brother threw a fit about having to carry his own purchases).
We enter the theater, have a seat, and I listen to them bicker once more about Barbie cars and whatnot. I wasn’t really paying attention. I did notice a woman walk in though- if nothing more than because she yelled out to her husband to go buy her dessert (mind you, this was a large woman, and my only thought was “Lady, you don’t need dessert.”). I had a feeling she might be trouble, but she hauled her ass to the back of the theater and proceeded to sit quietly…but not for long. The movie started, and she laughed loud and long at every joke that was mentioned.
Example:Movie: We’re not having Christmas!!Loud Obnoxious Lady:
HHHhaaaaaahaahahahahaahahahaahHAHAhahahHAHAhhhhaHAHaaaaaaaahahahHAHHAH!!!!!!HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Ha.
HAAAaaaaAHHHAAA! Ha ha aha.
That was the simplified version. Anyway, she also had a habit of yelling out what she thought was going to happen before it actually did in the movie.
For instance:
Movie: ::phone rings right as they’re about to leave on vacation because their daughter isn’t coming home for Christmas::
Loud Obnoxious Lady: I BETCHA IT’S THE DAUGHTER CALLING TO SAY SHE’S COMING HOME!!!! I WAS RIGHT! IT WAS HER!! HAHAHAHAhahahahahahHHHahhaaaa!!! HA!
She was sitting at the back of the theater. I could have sworn she was directly behind me. Amazingly enough, she couldn’t predict the fact that the movie was going to stop halfway through due to technical difficulties and we would be subjected to Kenny Loggins and Yanni music until they fixed it. Wonderful.
Movie ended, we packed up and left (not before I tripped over my brother’s box of french fries and almost broke a body part), and we meandered home again- only to have my cousin shout at the same volume as loud obnoxious woman the entire way home. Maybe she just thought that’s the way people really do talk.
As for the movie, I’m sure you want some sort of review. General gist- daughter of the Kranks joins the Peace Corps, isn’t coming home for Christmas. They decide to go on a cruise. The neighborhood is unhappy. They demand snowmen and caroling. Daughter decides to come home last minute with her new fiance- Kranks and neighbors pull together the best Christmas ever. Happy ending, everyone is smiley, life is good and we all learn the true meaning of Christmas. I don’t really remember what it was- that was around the time my brother’s head was blocking the entire screen and he was attempting to yank the arms off of his seat. Sad that I ruined the storyline? Too bad. You would have seen it coming from a mile away, loud obnoxious lady predicting it or not.
This movie was all too typical and not really exciting enough to comment on. If you plan on taking relatives and sitting in a theater with hell on earth in the back row, drink plenty of beer- otherwise, I think you can stick with 3 or 4 and be fine. This movie isn’t noteworthy, has very few laughs, and is otherwise just another movie you’ll forget you have seen in 2 years.
It‘s quiet in here! Why not leave a response?